Reader, I’m getting some serious de ja vu from the the poster for Liberation Escape Rooms ‘Castle Of Conundrums’ experience, but I’m having trouble placing it. I don’t think I’ve been to this escape room before, never having visited the town of Southaven, Mississippi. Perhaps I should go? The reviews are positively glowing. “Very exciting and unique escape rooms,” writes Anna R. Five stars! “Today’s game in the Castle just blew us away,” enthuses Tracey S. Five stars again! An unmissable experience by all accounts. And yet, I’d feel woefully unequiped to take on the Castle Of Conundrums if I cannot solve the much more pressing conundrum at hand.
“The king and his knights are on a quest to protect the crown. While they are away, a new and formidable threat appears just beyond the castle walls,” reads the lore blurb. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Worst possible time this could have happened. “Can you prove your worthiness in Merlin’s trials, become a knight, and defend the kingdom?”. Wait. What? Why is Merlin holding trials when the castle is in danger from a threat – need I remind you – that is just beyond the castle walls?! There’s no time for your classic chicanery, Merlsy! We need knights now.
A familiar set-up, no doubt. But no, no. That’s not it. There’s something else familiar about the poster for Liberation Escape Rooms Presents The Castle Of Conundrums Recommended for 2-8 players Difficulty 4 out of 5. Why, it’s that plaque in the top left, isn’t it? The breastplate. The crossed swords. Why, that’s definitely Dark Knight Armoury’s Heraldic Eagle Breastplate with Two Decorative Swords Wall Plaque! The only problem is that I’ve never laid eyes on Dark Knight Armoury’s Heraldic Eagle Breastplate with Two Decorative Swords Wall Plaque, so it must be something else.
“We have done a handful of escape rooms in the Memphis area and this was by far one of the best!!!!!” writes Alicia B. Five stars again! Can you not see the subterfuge occurring right before your eyes, Alicia? You and your other five star compatriots? Are you so swayed by Liberation Escape Rooms’ – by all accounts – unbeatable customer service that you’ve willingly blinded yourself to the lies contained in the poster for The Castle Of Conundrums Recommended for 2-8 players Difficulty 4 out of 5? Is it left solely to me to unpack its uncanny familiarity; the sole possessor of open eyes in a land where gummy-lidded herds chew mindlessly on opiatic cud like newborn foals?
Hang on. Hang on. It’s the bloody font, isn’t it? Classic bluebeard. I’d recognise you anywhere. Phew.
(All credit Total War reddit)
