by
Evan Norris
, posted 10 hours ago / 629 Views
This article series is dedicated to Nikena, my Mario Kart rival.
With a new Mario Kart only days away, it’s a perfect time to revisit Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, perhaps for the final time. Mario Kart 8 has been with us, in some form or another, for over a decade, believe it or not. In that time the track count went from 32 to 48, before ballooning to 96 with the Booster Course Pass DLC. It’s doubtful we’ll ever see a game from the series with so many courses again. To celebrate all 96 tracks, and to bid a fond farewell to what I consider the finest Mario Kart (not to mention the best racing game ever made), I’ve ranked each and every course, from 96 to 1. So buckle up; this is going to take a while.
#96
Baby Park
In my college days, we would always end game night with a quick round of Baby Park in Double Dash. The chaos and craziness of the short oval, paired with the fact that it was incredibly accessible and democratic — “the great leveler”, in the words of Mr. Burns — made it the ideal send-off for the evening. The Mario Kart 8 version of the track, though, just doesn’t compare. For one, it doesn’t have those course-wrecking, character-specific special items from the GameCube days that made the experience truly destructive and unpredictable. For another, the course is set entirely in anti-gravity, which works against the feel and flow. Everything is too slippery and loose.
#95
Yoshi Valley
Typically, the fourth and final course in a Mario Kart cup is a show-stopper, but not so much in Mario Kart 8‘s Leaf Cup. The final course is Yoshi Valley, which gets a glow-up from the N64 days, but, unfortunately, remains an uninspiring affair. The major problem here is the maze-like layout; it just doesn’t work in a racing game. Some routes are simply faster and more reliable than others, although the MK8 remake does attempt to even out the lengths of each alternative path. On the plus side, this version of the track is much more interesting visually. The valley now features a waterfall, a river, baobab-like trees, and a giant rock formation resembling a Green Yoshi.
#94
Peach Gardens
Peach Gardens was never what you’d call a paragon of stellar track design, but its original DS incarnation was pretty enjoyable. The Mario Kart 8 Deluxe iteration, however, leaves something be desired. Based on the Tour version, it loses or softens its flowery hazards and turns the slightly claustrophobic hedge maze area into a wide-open leisurely park. This new iteration ends with a lap variant, which sees racers heading in reverse through the gardens. It’s a neat twist, but not enough to elevate what remains a very vanilla course. On the bright side, the music is still great.
#93
Tokyo Blur
Tokyo Blur has a lot of untapped potential. It’s very inviting, thanks to a striking opening view of Mount Fuji & Tokyo Tower, and its busy street racing calls to mind Ridge Racer. Unfortunately, the track just isn’t very exciting. It’s too wide — something true of many of the Booster Course DLC tracks, owing to their origins in Mario Kart Tour — and too bland. It’s worth noting the Tokyo Blur in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe combines three variants from Tour, which means an alternative third lap on the Tokyo highway, which is definitely the highlight.
#92
New York Minute
New York City is one of the most exciting places on planet Earth, but its Mario Kart counterpart, New York Minute, is anything but. It’s just a safe, ho-hum sort of course, without many surprises or tension. It would benefit from additional obstacles — perhaps moving cars or more manhole covers, which launch skyward atop columns of water — and short-cuts. That said, the trappings of the course are stellar: skyscrapers lit up like Christmas trees and the Time Square jumbotron showing the original Donkey Kong game, to name a couple.
#91
Bangkok Rush
I don’t have it out for the city courses, I promise. Heck, there are two in the top 20! As for Bangkok Rush, I’ve somewhat soured on it in the months after it first appeared in Wave 4 of the Booster Course DLC. Yes, it combines the best set pieces from each Tour variant to create a new, dynamic experience. But at the same time it feels overlong and confused, with a few too many branching paths. It also pales in comparison to the Tour version, which benefits greatly from obstacles and a bright, fiery sunset. For some reason, the colors are washed out and hazy in Deluxe.
#90
Cheese Land
I always let out an audible groan whenever Cheese Land is chosen. It feels like a chore. There are just a bunch of little annoyances that tend to take the fun out it, including those little pockmarks dotting the road, the slippery physics and wonky turns, and the inescapable, overwhelming yellowness of it all. To be fair, perhaps no course in all of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe commits to a theme better than Cheese Land. Everything about it is cheese: those aforementioned Swiss cheese pockmarks, giant cheese-made structures flanking the track, and, most inspired of all, mushroom tents on yellow buttes in the distance that resemble slices of pepperoni pizza.
#89
Riverside Park
If you followed my previous article series ranking the Booster Course tracks, you probably noticed that I’m typically bearish on Super Circuit maps. Well, Riverside Park is not the one to break with that pattern. There’s nothing wrong with the track, really. It’s just a bit short and uninteresting. That said, Nintendo made some improvements over the GBA original. The track now takes place at sunny dusk, which significantly adds to the ambiance. There are also Ptooies moving across the meandering road, carrying useful items like mushrooms. And, of course, the visuals are significantly boosted. Regrettably, the shortcuts from Super Circuit are missing.
#88
Rock Rock Mountain
Rock Rock Mountain has two things working for it: first, the theme song, a delightful rock tune with a thumping drum line and curvy guitar licks; and second, the early cave area with stone columns and low-flying Swoops. Apart from those things, however, it’s the definition of mediocrity. The biggest problem? You simply spend far too much time gliding instead of driving.
#87
Dry Dry Desert
Dry Dry Desert in Mario Kart 8 is less monotone and more energetic than the original on GameCube, but it’s still fairly dull. The layout isn’t especially exciting and the desert aesthetic, however improved, is sort of sleepy. The track has also been nerfed somewhat. The unpredictable tornado is gone and the suction power of the sand pit has been toned down. There’s a new watery oasis toward the end of the track, which is beautiful but tends to stall the race’s momentum.
#86
Toad Circuit
Toad Circuit gets a lot of flack in online forums, but it’s hardly the nightmare it’s made out to be. Let’s remember: Toad Circuit started as the first track in the first cup in Mario Kart 7. It’s meant to be an introductory course to acclimate players to the game. Is it vanilla? Absolutely, but it’s not half bad, particularly for folks looking for a straightforward, no-frills racing experience.
#85
Mario Circuit (WiiU)
The mission of Mario Circuit is to demonstrate the anti-gravity gimmick of Mario Kart 8. Thanks to its twisting Möbius strip layout and upside down castle, it accomplishes that task with flying colors. Judged on its merits as a racing track, though, it fails to impress. It’s essentially just a figure eight without much going on. The tinny music can be a little irritating as well.
Stay tuned for Part 2!
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