Cultivating self-compassion can actually help you cope better with life’s struggles.
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it’s usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it’s not so easy to do this for ourselves.
We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient.
“We can say, ‘I made a mistake,’ as opposed to saying, ‘I am a mistake,’” said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. “It’s a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it’s not about judging yourself positively, it’s just about being helpful and kind to yourself.”
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times — and recognizing that you aren’t alone in your imperfections.
It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr. Neff said.
Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation.
