by
Evan Norris
, posted 10 hours ago / 505 Views
This article series is dedicated to Nikena, my Mario Kart rival.
With a new Mario Kart only days away, it’s a perfect time to revisit Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, perhaps for the final time. Mario Kart 8 has been with us, in some form or another, for over a decade, believe it or not. In that time the track count went from 32 to 48, before ballooning to 96 with the Booster Course Pass DLC. It’s doubtful we’ll ever see a game from the series with so many courses again. To celebrate all 96 tracks, and to bid a fond farewell to what I consider the finest Mario Kart (not to mention the best racing game ever made), I’ve ranked each and every course, from 96 to 1. So buckle up; this is going to take a while.
#84
Mario Circuit (GBA)
The Mario Kart 8 remake of the GBA iteration of Mario Circuit could best be described in the words of George Costanza from Seinfeld: “not showing off, not falling behind.” Indeed, it’s the very definition of decent. There’s nothing really remarkable about it, apart from its elevated anti-gravity U-turn section, which is balanced on giant car jacks called ultra arms. It’s one of the most recognizable fixtures in the entire game.
#83
Athens Dash
Athens Dash isn’t exactly bad; it’s just less inspired and eventful than other city courses. Although this Mario Kart 8 Deluxe version enjoys a visual upgrade over its original incarnation, it still comes off as a bit plain. It also starts off slowly, despite the appearance of several historical artifacts, including the Parthenon, the Theatre of Dionysus, and Hadrian’s Arch. The good news is that Athens Dash gets better as it goes on, thanks to an exciting final upward climb toward the Acropolis, with spherical boulders crashing all over the road.
#82
London Loop
I’ve somewhat soured on London Loop since it first dropped in Wave 3 of the Booster Course DLC. That said, much like Athens Dash, it improves steadily throughout the race. The first lap features a diverging path in Leadenhall Market, followed by a gradual curve guarded by a Chain Chomp, followed by a drive over Tower Bridge with its opening and closing bascule. The second lap starts with an S-curve through St. James’ Park, patrolled by yet another Chain Chomp. On the third and final lap, those Chain Chomps have broken loose and cross areas of the street in unpredictable ways.
#81
Daisy Circuit
The Booster Course Pass featured a lot of great Mario Kart Wii courses over its two-year run: Maple Treeway, DK Summit, Koopa Cape, Moonview Highway, you name it. Regrettably, Daisy Circuit is not one of the greats. While the music, art direction, and overall atmosphere excel, the actual course layout is rather simple and straightforward. Apart from an early shortcut there’s not a whole lot to get enthusiastic about.
#80
Sky Garden
Sky Garden is a fine but forgettable course. Aside from its music, which is bouncy, catchy, and delightful, there’s not a whole lot going on. The biggest issue is the length. Each race feels likes it’s over in the blink of an eye. In the positive column, the track has a clean and comfy aesthetic, thanks to clear blue skies and billowy white clouds.
#79
Mushroom Gorge
I know Mushroom Gorge is a fan-favorite. And I want to like it more. My problem is the high volume of bouncy mushrooms. At certain points it almost turns into a Mario Kart platformer. On the plus side, the track is kinetic and chaotic, with multiple branching paths and lots of opportunities for untimely disaster in its end-of-lap crystal cave.
#78
Los Angeles Laps
I almost feel bad ranking Los Angeles Laps so low. It’s truly not a testament to any major failing on the part of the track, apart from its theme music, which is unexpectedly mediocre; it’s just because the remaining courses are more complete or memorable. Indeed, there’s a lot to like about this west coast spotlight: ramps and a half-pipe along the beach, a partially underwater turn underneath a pier, and, coolest of all, an aerial journey over a major league baseball park.
#77
Piranha Plant Slide
Piranha Plant Slide has a lot of neat ideas, but I have a real problem connecting with it. It just leaves me sort of indifferent. I will say this about the WiiU version of the track, though: it does a great job of creating the sensation that you’re diving deeper and deeper underground, before making a dramatically steep climb, via glider, back to the starting line.
#76
Rome Avanti
I’ve warmed somewhat to Rome Avanti over the past few months. It’s not a world-beater, but I like its romantic music, its nighttime glow, and its many interesting sights, including the Roman Forum, the Piazza del Campidoglio, and the Trevi Fountain. There’s also a neat stretch in the Colosseum on the third and final lap where Chain Chomps take big bites out of a metal bridge.
#75
Sky-High Sundae
Sky-High Sundae certainly has a lot of detractors. For me, it’s not quite the war crime it’s made out to be online. In fact, I like certain things about it: the bright colors, the food-based art direction, the impressive verticality, and its sense of speed and height. All that said, it has some fundamental weaknesses, including its uninspired oval design, a blind jump about halfway through, and, worst of all, an over-use of anti-gravity, which, when combined with all the jumps and falls, makes the course feel unnaturally floaty.
#74
Toad’s Turnpike
On the N64, Toad’s Turnpike will always be iconic. Its essence was lost in the translation to Mario Kart 8, however. There are two main problems: the highway is now much wider, so avoiding collisions with passing cars and trucks is relatively easy; and the anti-gravity panels on the sides of the road mean you don’t even need to interact with the turnpike for long stretches, which kind of defeats the purpose.
#73
Water Park
With Water Park, we’re entering the category of courses that aren’t really deficient, just tame in comparison to bigger, better productions. The second race track of the Mushroom Cup, Water Park looks good, sounds nice, and doesn’t overstay its welcome. That said, if you strip away its trappings — the submerged amusement park rides, the Ferris wheel, etc. — you’re left with a course layout without many twists, turns, or exciting moments.
Stay tuned for Part 3!
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